I played weird virtual pet games

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virtual pet games have been around since when people figured out how to make games that weren’t pong tamagotchi nintendogs webkinz robo sapien you name it and it makes sense kids love pets and parents love not giving their children actual living breathing animals that’ll eventually die and send their child into a spiraling depression for at least three days it’s a win-win for everyone in 2004 my parents gave me a nintendo ds along with two games to go with it animal crossing wild world and nintendogs they already gave me a real dug at that point but this was good for stopping me before i started trying to ask for another because boy did i not take care of the first one i actually still have the exact same save file as when i first got the game this is star my first ever nintendog i don’t know why i named her star especially since the shape on her stomach is a heart anyway her stats are maxed out she can walk longer than any of my other dogs i was gonna show you but then i do i do not think that we just went on a walk i haven’t seen these dogs in 12 years and she’s the champion of agility training or at least she was until i tried to do a contest like the good old days made a fool of myself and got my dog bullied by the judges this is scruffy named after my childhood dog who is very dead now oh there’s scruffy i know you haven’t had human interaction in like six years cause you’re dead but give me some space will ya and the other dogs mean nothing to me i also wanted to show off my peach cart toy i love this thing as a kid and thought it was super rare which i actually think maybe isn’t because i have two anyway i’m not here to talk about nintendogs i’m here because i found a bunch of very strange virtual pet games that are not nintendogs that i want to show you first up we’ve got hamster’s life with a z and i got these games from ebay and it looks like someone else’s hamster is on here anyway oh no it’s one of these games so i was going through the selection of hamsters and i stumble onto this the cutie hamster this is quite possibly one of the ugliest hamsters i’ve ever seen in my entire life the cute little icon compared to the actual hamster is astounding i got worse he looks like an elder so i’m going to name him grandpa oh grandpa wants to play a memory game oh no so you can pet your hamster feed it clean the mass amounts of black mold growing in its cage hold it with your creepy hand you can even take him out of the cage and hold it all right i think i’m done for now you can also give it toys to play with oh he cage is too small so you know hamster’s life with a z was as to be expected sure some of the execution was a bit unexpected but nothing out of the ordinary until what do you say when you tone around you see a cat and your heart almost stops ah what i thought you just play little mini games with your hamster and feed them seeds and stuff but apparently they start learning english you can talk to them and they’ll respond but you can only say the options the game is provided ah yes the only phrases a human would ever need good evening come on and i’m sad but sometimes the hamster will personally ask how to convey emotions my friend went away how should i express these feelings what should i say when i only have one sunflower seed left guys i taught my hamster how to be sad and now i think he’s depressed but it’s okay because 42 hours in grandpa now has a cowboy hat and an entire roller coaster next up is parrot pals i was excited about this one because you know i have my own parrot pals you put up game and you know what it’s not wrong i picked out my large bird and named him large and now i have options on how to interact with them care which is the typical feeding cage cleanup bathing watching which is just letting him outside and watching him you can’t interact with your bird while you’re watching him you just sit there and and watch him i mean i don’t know what i expected and play which is the minigames can’t be a virtual pet game without the minigames there’s dribbling made you look and tug of war and i was immediately intrigued by tug of war because i don’t know if you know this but this is what tug-of-war looks like with a bird [Music] turns out you have to withhold your strength and not knock over the flag in the middle which is less exciting if i’m gonna be completely honest also this is what dribbling looks like it’s just keep away with the bird i don’t know i just wanted to show you what it looked like anyway you can actually talk to your bird and it’ll try to have a conversation hello bird [Music] all right so let me show you the amazon review that single-handedly made me decide i have to buy this game sarah says one star within the first five minutes my daughter struggled to get the speak and repeat to work and when it did work the bird kept telling her over and over i dislike you until she cried need i say more also it was literally like two bucks a bit into the game you unlock training which lets you teach your bird tricks and phrases to repeat i was confused on why the game was telling me to teach the bird random phrases like washed up by the river there was an old man and ogre island but then i realized i had to teach the bird this entire 20 phrase long story [Music] um [Music] i’m not gonna tell you how long it took to get him to learn all that but just know it was more than i would have committed to if i wasn’t monetizing it for content then large just starts going off with the free speech [Music] i didn’t teach him any of that why is he saying these things after you teach the bird every single trick and repeatable phrase you can learn contests open up and i’m gonna go out on a limb here and say i’m probably the first person in the world who has actually unlocked contests and parrot pals i entered large into the beginner contest and won probably because he was the only participant so you win the beginner contest and you’d expect your rank to go up to i don’t know intermediate contest or maybe even advanced contest no you rank up from beginner to novice what’s next after that just starting out it’s master you go from beginner to novice to master now the game you’ve all been waiting for you know them you love them monkeys with a z obviously a game where you adopt take home and play with monkeys you start off at an adoption center where you can pet the three monkeys they have out in their backyard to see which one you want to take home well hey there buddy what’s your oh god i mean how can i say no to a face like that i named him champ and now we just go home i guess look at him go welcome home little man don’t touch that i was in the middle of trying to figure out what a single one of these menu icons meant when champ decided to just go out and help himself to the kitchen i mean yeah i guess monkeys would be able to do that but i sure didn’t expect it also holy crap i totally thought champ was a boy at first but turns out i was just confused because they colored the female gender icon of the monkey blue so their champ is in the kitchen hanging out i’m just realizing there’s just a straight-up monkey in my house after a little bit of petting and taking care of your monkey a little heart gage goes up and when you get all three hearts your monkey will grow up [Music] this is uncanny this monkey is now taller than the kitchen countertops go out and take a look at the counters in your kitchen right now and really just take in how big of a monkey that is am i the only one that is feeling very weird about this there’s no doubt in my mind this monkey could absolutely kill me if it wanted to i bought another monkey you can go out to the park with your monkeys and play with just some random other monkey that’s there there’s also nintendogs agility training but for monkeys and nintendogs bath time but for monkeys and nintendogs frisbee toy but for monkeys but you know what this game has that nintendogs doesn’t human clothes i put this sweater on champ because i don’t know i think now it feels like i have an actual just hairy person then i bought another monkey there are three monkeys in my house and they all have various styles of clothes on then this happened i think out of all the virtual pet games out there the fact that the monkeys can have babies uh makes me the most uncomfortable overall this game is very jank you can throw the bowl of water and the water just does this monkeys will get stuck in the walls when you enter a new room for a few frames you can catch all the monkeys t-posing but i’d expect nothing less from pet’s monkey’s house with a z i knew what i was getting into with this game have you seen the back of the box art there’s not much else to say overall i enjoyed virtual pet games as a kid and i’m sure a lot of people think back fondly on their virtual pets as well it’s just funny how nintendog started this huge trend and all these other game companies started scrambling to throw together their own nintendogs to cash in on poor unassuming children and grandparents but again now we’ve got such a wide variety of of content and i unironically love it i hope you’re all having a good year so far uh sorry i was gone for a bit i took a break at the beginning of the year so yeah it happens anyway i don’t think i have much to say here so i guess this is gonna be a short end card this time bye

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